Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 12: WHERE IS HUNG KUNG

NO NOT THERE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ANYWHERE BUT THERE

SEARCH QUERY: in email marketing what does ctr mean
ANSWER: It means that you apparently lied your ass off about what skills you actually had in order to get your email marketing job.


SEARCH QUERY: WHERE IS HUNG KUNG

ANSWER: I DUNNO MEBBE SOMEWHERE NEAR CHYNA

NO NOT THERE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ANYWHERE BUT THERE

NO NOT THERE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ANYWHERE BUT THERE



SEARCH QUERY: fun stuff to do when your bored at home with a friend
ANSWER: Maybe you could LEARN TO FUCKING SPELL


SEARCH QUERY: why can’t i find ammo
ANSWER: Because you (as well as every other shitheel who just bought a cool-looking black gun just because a few fat old dumbfuck senators decided to get a gun control hair up their ass) didn’t think to take the basic obvious step of establishing basic fucking support infrastructure for the most serious and dangerous life-saving tools you now own, and now all you idiots are going around and panic buying anything that goes “bang” at two to three times normal retail price like a bunch of well-armed ill-trained herd mammals. Get some fucking training instead.

Or one of these.

Or one of these.


SEARCH QUERY: erectile dysfunction remedies
ANSWER: Why don’t you just search for “PLEASE INFECT MY COMPUTER WITH THE NASTIEST MALWARE POSSIBLE”? You’ll save some time that way.


SEARCH QUERY: bigfoot in west louisiana
ANSWER: That’s not Bigfoot.

I can see how someone would make that mistake, though.

I can see how someone would make that mistake, though.


SEARCH QUERY: how many lorazepam 0.5mg do you have snort to get high
ANSWER: What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you just not have marijuana where you are?


SEARCH QUERY: pickin’ boogies outa yer nose
ANSWER: We have built a massive edifice of human knowledge and endeavor, sharing the combined technical and organizational means of an entire race of sentient beings – tools and knowledge developed through eons of painstaking trial and error, scientific hypothesization and testing and argument and revision: in short, the summed-up collective intellectual blood and toil and sweat of millions of unsung but utterly critical thinkers throughout history. We call this thing the Internet.

AND THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING UP ON IT?

Excuse me while I go somewhere and grieve for my civilization.

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