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Children in GTA:O in particular seem to prefer characters with masks. At a guess, these two characters are probably being played by kids younger than 12.

Philosophy, Grinding and The Video Game as a Bullshit Machine: Moral Learning in Social Video Games

So… what does video game philosophy matter? It’s an open and valuable question – what’s the point of even thinking about this? Why does anyone care about video game philosophy – especially since philosophy is so marginalized and meaningless these days? The first and best answer is that video game philosophy matters because how we […]

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 7: Professor Dog Approves

SEARCH QUERY: im a capricorn what does that mean ANSWER: It means you’re dumb for believing in astrology. SEARCH QUERY: how should we a disprove a person that thinks essay writing is easy ANSWER: Sometimes, I feel OK about the world. Then I remember that there are people who ask unbelievably stupid, pathetically earnest questions […]

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 6: How Much Is 135.00 In Chiny Mone?

SEARCH QUERY: HOW MUCH IS135.OO IN CHINY MONE ANSWER: Please end yourself. SEARCH QUERY: what the fuck is the virginia sales tax rate in henrico county ANSWER: I KNOW, RIGHT? SEARCH QUERY: what to do when thinking about cosmetic surgery ANSWER: Think about what happened to Greta Van Susteren. That could be you. SEARCH QUERY: […]

Grand Theft Auto Online: Negative Decision Architecture, Consent and the Sociopathic Contract

From a rooftop, through a 16x scope on a horribly simplified in-game version of a Barrett M99 in a notional fictive universe, I’ve seen things. I’ve seen impromptu car shows develop with players in front of their player housing drawing garishly colored Mustang and Camaro look-alikes out of their garages to show off to each […]

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 5: David Bowie Wants In Your Expansion Slot

SEARCH QUERY: what does l8r mean ANSWER: It means she’s 16 STOP TEXTING HER SEARCH QUERY: are there immortals that live among us? ANSWER: YES TWILIGHT IS TOTALLY FOR REAL GO BITE YOUR PARENTS SEARCH QUERY: life lessons from the movie labyrinth ANSWER: Do NOT trust David Goddamn Bowie he will abduct you to a […]

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 4: Plus-Sized Nerd Costumes

SEARCH QUERY: my boyfriend uses me for a booty call ANSWER: Right. Your “boyfriend”. Sure. SEARCH QUERY: How To Phrase Sympathy Wording? ANSWER: How about doing something genuine for a change and writing it yourself? …Oh, all right, fine, here you go. SEARCH QUERY: what is a cheap extended release narcotic pain medicine xffffffffffff ANSWER: […]

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 3: “5 Black Boys, featuring the hit ‘SONG’”

SEARCH QUERY: can a sentence contain more than one verb ANSWER: You mean, like the sentence “can a sentence contain more than one verb”? SEARCH QUERY: are there any good men out there? ANSWER: For you? No. SEARCH QUERY: whats that new song by those 5 black boys ANSWER: Really, you can’t even remember ANYTHING […]

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 2: What’s Wrong With My Vagina

SEARCH QUERY: what’s wrong with my vagina?!?!ANSWER: …Apparently it’s trolling people on the Internet? SEARCH QUERY: I turn to the obituary page and if the president isn’t in it then my work is done for the dayANSWER: So is this what full florid psychotic people with delusions of grandeur search for? SEARCH QUERY: where can […]


Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 1: Dahvie Vanity And Weddings

These are actual, real unprompted search queries. The often-times hilarious and usually sarcastic replies are of course my own. SEARCH QUERY: do nose piercings hurt ANSWER: No, they feel like unicorns and ice cream. That’s the reason why so many smart people who make good decisions have nose piercings. SEARCH QUERY: happy brithday quotes to […]