The World's Stupidest Search Queries Archives - Joohn Choe

Yeah, that's your face when you do that.

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 13: My Pokemons’ Hidden Power

SEARCH QUERY: baby delivery movies ANSWER: OH GOD THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF PORN OH GOD NO SEARCH QUERY: what is my pokemons’ hidden power ANSWER: THE EVER-LASTING LIFE OF CHASTITY THEY WILL INFLICT UPON YOU. SEARCH QUERY: how did the u.s colored cavalry get their name ANSWER: From… having… horses? SEARCH QUERY: what kind […]

NO NOT THERE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ANYWHERE BUT THERE

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 12: WHERE IS HUNG KUNG

SEARCH QUERY: in email marketing what does ctr mean ANSWER: It means that you apparently lied your ass off about what skills you actually had in order to get your email marketing job. SEARCH QUERY: WHERE IS HUNG KUNG ANSWER: I DUNNO MEBBE SOMEWHERE NEAR CHYNA SEARCH QUERY: fun stuff to do when your bored […]

It's not like Daniel-san's about to start punching a dude now is he?

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 11: What Does Miyagied Mean

SEARCH QUERY: what does miyagied mean ANSWER: It means you were taught arcane, impractical martial arts from a tiny Japanese man while your more practical peers took up the arts of boxing, wrestling, gunfighting and soldiering. Just keep telling yourself when you crane kick four armed burglars in your home it will all pay off. […]

Don't mess with the Joohn gang. They'll school you.

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 10: Thug Life Chose Me After I Scored 1420 On The SAT

SEARCH QUERY: what the White Man did wrong ANSWER: I’d say picking the name ‘the White Man’ was probably the first thing he did wrong. SEARCH QUERY: trade for islamic wife ANSWER: A few AK-47s or some sheep ought to do it. These days, you’ll get top dollar if you have an IR-absorbent camouflage shroud […]

Heed the sage words of Karate Kyle.

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 9: RICHARD ALAN TUCKER BOUT YOU ME TAREN OVER HIS AND HIM SELF OLNY ONE HEAR CARE YES YES DO HELP YOU TRUE DEEP FEELING I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU LIFE CARE RAEO

SEARCH QUERY: can a string be used to stretch my penis ANSWER: Why, yes, anonymous Internet search engine user. It can. Please proceed. Make sure to tie a tight knot and maybe tie the other end to a door handle that you slam. SEARCH QUERY: RICHARD ALAN TUCKER BOUT YOU ME TAREN OVER HIS AND […]

Meet Lee Seung Seop. In 2005, he became the first human being in history, and perhaps the first living creature EVER,  to die from being so stupid that it stared at something too long and forgot to drink, eat or shit.

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 8: Selling Pre-Owned Kids

SEARCH QUERY: selling preowned kids ANSWER: Well, condition and mileage matters. As for price, future earning power is a big one too. Are they Asian? SEARCH QUERY: i cannot get motivated to go outside anymore ANSWER: Well I guess they’ll just find you in two weeks with your legion of adopted cats nibbling at your […]

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 7: Professor Dog Approves

SEARCH QUERY: im a capricorn what does that mean ANSWER: It means you’re dumb for believing in astrology. SEARCH QUERY: how should we a disprove a person that thinks essay writing is easy ANSWER: Sometimes, I feel OK about the world. Then I remember that there are people who ask unbelievably stupid, pathetically earnest questions […]

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 6: How Much Is 135.00 In Chiny Mone?

SEARCH QUERY: HOW MUCH IS135.OO IN CHINY MONE ANSWER: Please end yourself. SEARCH QUERY: what the fuck is the virginia sales tax rate in henrico county ANSWER: I KNOW, RIGHT? SEARCH QUERY: what to do when thinking about cosmetic surgery ANSWER: Think about what happened to Greta Van Susteren. That could be you. SEARCH QUERY: […]

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 5: David Bowie Wants In Your Expansion Slot

SEARCH QUERY: what does l8r mean ANSWER: It means she’s 16 STOP TEXTING HER SEARCH QUERY: are there immortals that live among us? ANSWER: YES TWILIGHT IS TOTALLY FOR REAL GO BITE YOUR PARENTS SEARCH QUERY: life lessons from the movie labyrinth ANSWER: Do NOT trust David Goddamn Bowie he will abduct you to a […]

Please Stop Searching For The Following, Episode 4: Plus-Sized Nerd Costumes

SEARCH QUERY: my boyfriend uses me for a booty call ANSWER: Right. Your “boyfriend”. Sure. SEARCH QUERY: How To Phrase Sympathy Wording? ANSWER: How about doing something genuine for a change and writing it yourself? …Oh, all right, fine, here you go. SEARCH QUERY: what is a cheap extended release narcotic pain medicine xffffffffffff ANSWER: […]